Coma Black
by pyrowolf1117
Summary: Dark Songfic. Faith believes that she is a burden to everyone around her and finally decides to do something about it.


Coma Black  
  
By: pyrowolf1117  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Josswork. The Josswork owns me. The song is Coma Black by Marilyn Manson.  
  
Summary: Dark Songfic. Faith believes that she is a burden to everyone around her and finally decides to do something about it.  
  
Author's Note: This is my first uploaded fanfic. I was randomly listening to Buffy Music videos, and this song came on. It was originally vidded as a Buffy vid, but I listened to it and thought it more suited to Faith, but then again, I think all my songs are best suited to Faith. Silly me. Well, it took a few hours, but I did it and here it be. Please review if you like it, cause if you do I may write something new after this. Tee hee. Enjoy!  
  
(( )) : Denotes lyrics.  
  
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((This was never my world.))  
  
I was a crappy slayer. First huge screw up, I freak and turn to the dark side. How's that for pathetic? But then, even before I fucked up I was never good enough. Never could live up to the standards of Buffy and all her little cartoon pals. I could never live up to anyone's standards. Not my dad's. Not my mom's. Not my teacher's. Not my watcher's. Of course, they would remind me of all my screw ups constantly. I thought it would be different with Buffy. Someone who could understand, maybe, the pressures of having the world on your shoulders. Messes up the posture, it does. Of course, they end up resenting me from the start. I'm just a burden to bear for the time being. They don't give me a chance to prove how good I can be from the beginning, they just wait til I fuck it all up, then they can go around telling everyone how right they were about me from the beginning. So I start living up to what they say, see what happens. It doesn't help. It was always Buffy's world. I never belonged here.   
  
((You took the angel away.))  
  
I thought my daddy loved me. But he went away. He went away because I was a bad girl. Everybody goes away, and it's all my fault. I thought near the end my watcher loved me, but then I got her killed. It was all my fault. The mayor too. If I hadn't wanted so bad for Buffy to kill me, I might have been able to keep him alive. It's all my fault. I killed everybody.   
  
((I burned all the good things in The Eden Eye.))  
  
Everything is my fault. Daddy went away cause I was bad. Momma couldn't afford anything cause of me. My watcher died cause of me. Two people are dead by my hands. The Mayor is dead cause I couldn't protect him. Thousands of innocent people are probably dead because I was a bad slayer. I wreck everything for me and everyone around me. I'm bad. I'm evil. I must be something so horrible to cause such pain and evil.   
  
((We were too dumb to run, too dead to die.))  
  
I could have stopped this long ago. Just by accidently crossing the street without looking when I was little, or accidently falling prey to a rather tough vamp. There are so many ways to 'accidently' off yourself in the world now. Too bad none of them worked for me. Maybe I didn't try hard enough. Maybe this is some karmic punishment that I'm receiving from sins of some past life or something. Or maybe I'm just a screw up.  
  
((I'd kill myself to make everybody pay.))  
  
Every past time I've tried this, I tried to make someone else off me. That was a mistake. You want something done right, you do it yourself. I bet it woulda worked earlier, if I had tried harder. I guess I still sorta wanted to live, yunno? Thought I still had a chance to do some good in this life? I lost that chance the moment I was born. I've thought about this for a bit now. I first thought 'Maybe I'll do the classic slit-wrists-in-the-tub bit, make them all see.' but that was far too dramatic. It's not their fault I'm a screw up, its all mine. I'll save them the trouble of having to clean me up and go do it quietly and out of the way. Then there will be a new slayer, someone who can do some actual good for the world. And no one would miss me anyhow, the burden that is me will be gone, and they can all go on with their lives.  
  
So here I stand. I decided I'd throw myself off this here cliff I found. Its out of the way, slim chance of anyone finding me here. Plus, I might not die right away. I could get myself all injured up and have to suffer loads of pain before I go. I know I've earned it all. Here I go. Deep breath. No note of sorry or please forgive me or I can't take it anymore or any explaination whatsoever. I'll just go. Just like that. Another deep breath. Whoo. Here we go. Is that someone calling my name? No. No way. I'm imagining things.  
  
And JUMP! Oh my god. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Here we go.  
  
WHITE.  
  
RED.  
  
Black.  
  
Just like my coma was. Coma Black.   
  
--------  
  
Buffy noticed that Faith seemed kind of agitated that morning. When she got up and just started walking down the road towards the desert, the blonde followed her, several feet back, worried about her fellow slayer.   
  
When Faith came to the edge of a ravine, Buffy paused. Faith seemed to be muttering to herself. She took a few deep breaths, and spread her arms as if she were about to fling herself into the canyon.  
  
Oh shit! "FAITH NO!" Buffy shouted, but Faith just dived right over the edge. The blonde scampered to the edge and watched helplessly as the only person in the world who could ever understand her completely ricochet off the rocks and ledges leading down to the bottom of the ravine. She couldn't help but feel like she had done this before, watch the Dark Slayer hurl herself to her death below as she watched from above.   
  
**FLASH**A bloody knife is clutched in her hand, as she sees Faith bounce off crates and land in a truck bed as it drives away.**FLASH**  
  
Faith lands in a broken bloody heap at the bottom of the canyon, bloodstains on the rocks that she bounced off of leading a trail down the cliff.   
  
((Her heart's bloodstained egg,  
we didn't handle with care.  
It's broken and bleeding,  
and we can never repair.))  
  
Buffy scrambled down, careful not to slip on Faith's blood. When she reached her fellow slayer, she knelt down next to her.   
  
Faith had such a peaceful expression on her face. It was so different from how it usually was so very animated. With either passion or anger or any of the intense expressions that were Faith's specialty. Buffy sobbed when she saw the twisted angles that the brunette's bloody limbs stuck out in.   
  
That's when she noticed the shallow rise and fall of her chest.   
  
"Oh my god, Faith. You're alive!" She exclaimed.   
  
Faith's clouded eyes looked up at Buffy's face.   
  
"Shit, B. You're not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to just die, not be anyone's problem anymore."  
  
"What? Faith, we have to get you to a hospital, now! You can still live!" Buffy pleaded.  
  
"NO BUFFY! Shit. I screw everything up. Even my own death. Every fucking time. Just go, Buffy. Don't tell anyone. It'll be easier that way."  
  
"Faith? No! You can't just go and die! You're needed! You're a slayer!"   
  
"No, Buffy. YOU'RE The Slayer. You don't need me. Never did. Nobody ever needed me. I'm just a problem to put up with til I go away. Well now I wanna go away."  
  
Buffy sobbed harder, and Faith's face tensed up in frustration.  
  
"Just go, Buffy. Let me die. Forget about me. Don't tell anyone I died. So they don't have to pretend to care." With that she closed her eyes and would have turned away, if her neck hadn't been snapped in the fall.   
  
------------------  
  
Buffy's life was business as usual after that. No one seemed to notice the lack of Faith. She tried to act normal as much as possible, but sometimes she would get real quiet, whenever she was reminded of her Dark Slayer.   
  
This lasted for months, until the new slayer showed up. She was a spunky hyperactive young redhead who was eager to learn and train and do good. When she appeared suddenly on the doorstep, everyone was eager to get to know this new fighter against evil.   
  
It wasn't for several minutes that it clicked in Giles' brain. "Oh dear lord. This means Faith is dead." He announced grimly.   
  
Everyone in the room tried to show appropriate expressions of remorse. Buffy could tell none were really that sincere.   
  
The new slayer turned to Giles and asked, "Who's Faith?"  
  
The blonde slayer turned and climbed the stairs to her room, where she sat on the bed and stared into space.  
  
((I would have told her then,  
she was the only thing,  
that I could love in this dying world.  
But the simple word "love" itself,  
already died and went away...))  
  
Buffy had loved Faith. Why couldn't she have just told her that?  
  
The End. 


End file.
